ass·so·nom·ics noun \ ˌas-sə-ˈnä-miks
plural in form but singular or plural in construction
1 : a forensic social science concerned chiefly with the description, auditing, and exposure of the production, distribution, and high-margin consumption of ASSS™ (Alcohol, Sugar, Salt, and Saturated Fat) goods and captive venue services
2 : economic theory, principles, or procedural game-theoretic protocols designed to defeat behavioral extraction mechanics and restore individual consumer sovereignty
3 : the metabolic or financial extraction significance of a captive consumer environment (e.g., calculating the asssonomics of a billionaire’s $44-per-gallon NFL stadium water spigot)
ass·son·o·my noun \ ə-ˈsä-nə-mē
plural asssonomies
1 : the structural architecture, corporate ecosystems, and regulatory ambiguities or ommisions comprising the ASSS Industrial Complex (aka Froot Loopholes)
2 : the systematic study of human piehole manipulation and captive-market pricing dynamics
ass·son·o·mist noun \ ə-ˈsä-nə-mist
1 : a specialist in asssonomics; a forensic auditor of food and beverage syndicates, stadium concessions, and celebrity brand enablers
2 : one who formulates or executes a sovereign Terms of Service to DEplatform, DEmonetize, and DEsubscribe predatory dietary code (e.g., Shiny Fang, MBA or The Late Shady O’Leery)
Shiny & Shady are the world’s first and only Asssonomists. This is bound to change as business schools add the study of Asssonomics to their curriculum. Never one to miss out on a growing trend, the University of Phoenix already offers an Asssociates.
ass·so·nom·ic adjective \ ˌas-sə-ˈnä-mik
also ass·so·nom·i·cal \ -ki-kəl
1 : of, relating to, or based on the principles of asssonomics (auditing asssonomic conditions inside a high-yield concession concourse)
2 : exhibiting behavioral manipulation for corporate financial gain
asss·ro·nom·i·cal adjective \ ˌas-strə-ˈnä-mi-kəl
1 : enormously, absurdly, or extortionately high in markup or gross profit margin (e.g., a billionaire sells filtered tap water for $44 a gallon in the name of security)
2 : exceeding all standard limits of corporate audacity within a captive venue environment, be it a grocery store, convenience store, or stadium
When a billionaire NFL stadium landlord turns filtered tap water into a $44-a-gallon profit center, under the guise of providing security, that there is some asssronomical shit.